Nickled and Dimed at 49

Losing a job in your late 40's creates a great sense of loss--of identity, of security, and of purpose that is compounded by worries about the ability to save for retirement.  Loss of income is especially stressful because unemployment benefits barely cover the bills let alone the costs of looking for a job.  A career coach or counselor can cost  $50 to $500 per hour and networking events in my area cost $5 -$40.This is not to mention the reams of paper, business card stock and Inkjet cartridges that I have had to purchase for snail mail responses.

I write grant proposals as a contractor but I lose a day of unemployment for each day I work and my work is taxed at 15 percent by Uncle Sam. I

Appeal letters from local and national charities pour through the mail slot and I have received several calls from the Fraternal Order of Police. Even though I explain that I'm unemployed and can't give right now, some callers quickly brush past my response and back into their "but you'll be helping the families" appeal.

Obama was on the mark when he said, "It's every man for himself" when he was campaigning. The rich want tax breaks; charities want more donors; and the retailers want us to spend what we don't have on stuff we don't need to support shareholder demands for more profit. Meanwhile, my husband just asked if we're going to give each other three presents for Christmas this year. 

Maybe we need to take a deep breath and consider how the global economic meltdown has changed our reality and look to a different model of economics because the current one is clearly unsustainable.  How can anyone hope for more profits and more money while unemployment rate hovers at 10 percent?  If I can't afford to bake cookies, how can I afford to pay $50 to attend a gala to support cancer research?

I don't want to be the Grinch who stole Christmas but I'm beginning to feel like Jimmy Stuart in "It's a Wonderful Life" and could use a little charity myself.

Internships for Adults

If you're trying to change careers, it can be tough to get a job without experience.  According to Monster.com, internships for adults are on the rise, but finding one is a job in itsself.  Some places to look include:

• The Peterson's Guide to Internships
• College job boards
• Craigslist
• Monster.com

It can especially be helpful to tap your network of family, friends, business associates and former bosses and co-workers.  I actually landed a volunteer opportunity for grant writing by asking my LinkedIn network.  Now, I am gaining more experience as a paid constractor.

It's never to late to follow your heart and gaining necessary experience may only be a few sentences or a phone call away.

Read an article about adult internships on Monster.com.

Are Your Adult Children Holding You Hostage?

You thought that you would have more time and sanity once your children grew up and went out on their own.  But statistically, more children are coming back home to roost.  Some are smart young men and women who need a little boost while they establish their careers while others are determined to make your life a living hell.  The latter may sit around playing video games all day or go out partying every night without making any plans for a future.

Sound familiar?

Divorced parents often blame themselves for their children's troubles and some go to extraordinary measures to keep their children from facing the consequences of bad choices.  Consider Eddie, who's out all night with old high-school buddies, sleeps until noon, and storms out of the house when mom or dad confront him. Mom ends up tip-toeing around her son without making any demands or setting boundaries around what is acceptable.

Susan Carrell describes the issue in an Ezine Article and offers solutions for dealing with troubled adult children.  Click here to read the article.

Getting and Advanced Degree at 50+

The economic recession and massive layoffs have left thousands of middle-aged adults wondering if they should go back to college to obtain and advanced degree. 

According to Dr. Tom Denham of Career Transitions, Inc. in Albany, New York, most people fail to do the legwork that may save them a bundle in the long run.  "Before you go back to school, you need to figure out if your why is strong enough," he said.  "Otherwise, you can be in the fifth year of your doctoral program asking: Why am I here?"

Denham helps his clients explore their options by taking them through a four-step career discovery process.  After this process, clients emerge with a much clearer idea of what their goals are and how they want to achieve them.  "When clear, then decide on the sacrifices you're willing to make," Denham added. "How bad do you want it?  Are you willing to sell your house?"

Denham said that middle-aged adults are especially vulnerable because they face mounting responsiblities--like caring for elderly parents and paying for their children's education--that leave them little time to do much beyond their normal work day.  "People are time starved," Denham said.  "That's why it's important to start education early."

Joyce Lain Kennedy encourages her readers to talk to 10 to 12 people in the field that they are contemplating before mortgaging their future to pay for additional education.

Going to Pieces - Not Falling Apart

I woke up at 3 a.m., drenched with heart palpitations and numerous questions running through my head. Should I go back to school? Should I start a business? Will anyone hire me?

Like a rat looking for cheese, I have been to several interviews for jobs that don't seem to fit.  "There has to be a better way," I thought.

To calm my mind, I pulled Mark Epstein’s Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart off of my husband’s shelf.  In reading, I realized that I could be short-circuiting a process that will lead me to what will truly make me happy.

A mind that is full cannot take in anything new," the master explained. "Like this cup, you are full of opinions and preconceptions." Wisdom and happiness are to be found only by emptying one's cup.

A full mind is a blocked mind.  I don't think that I'll magically manifest a job if I forget about it.  But I might get better results if I refrain from patching up my ego with an advanced degree or a red sports car.  I will sure as heck owe less money.

To Gray or Not to Gray

I considered giving up hair color after the holidays, but  my husband assured me that I would look much older.  "It'll age you," he said.  "You'll look like Cruella DeVille."

Ouch.

I'm tired of the monthly coloring ritual.  The dye messes up our towels, gets on my clothing and sometimes makes my hair turn a most unappetizing color.  To get away from the harsh chemicals, I tried a chamomile tea rinse that lightened my auburn hair to a flaming red. Henna is drying and coffee doesn't do much of anything.  

I admire Journalist Anne Kraemer,  who went gray at 48 and hope that I will look as good as Helen Mirren when I stop coloring. But I'm not convinced that going gray won't hurt my career.  Aftr all, you don't see Diane Sawyer, Oprah, Condoleezza or Hillary showing their true colors. 

Lets face it.  Women haven't come as far as some would like to think.  Though we've moved up the corporate ladder, become world-class athletes, and gone to the moon, we have clung to our youth like a ferocious lion guarding her cubs.  We've come a long way, but the road doesn't end here.

My Midlife Wedding

When I was about to re-marry a few years ago, I made a vow to myself to keep it simple. My husband-to-be shared my sentiments.  At midlife, we didn't want to go $15,000 in the hole so that we could have ice sculptures and Steak au Poivre for dinner.  We just wanted to share our special moments with family and a few close friends.

Planning the wedding was the easy part. In fact, I worried more about having enough energy to get to the altar while my husband wondered how we were going to cram two households worth of “stuff” under one roof.

I didn’t miss all the “frou-frou” and I think that our guests were relieved that they didn't have to do the "chicken dance" or watch a middle-aged man take a garter off my leg.  In forty-something years of living on planet earth, I learned about the perils of perfectionism and made a conscious choice to avoid the drama that goes along with it.